My mind is blank

My mind is blank, i dont know what i want to write but i know that i want to write. Its a situation that leaves me with very little choice but to just go ahead and blog. It seems sometimes music can't solve all my cravings. At times i do want more, i wish theres something that could happen for me. Again i dont know what it is but im tired of wondering what it could be. Life as it seems, seems to stand still for me. At times the solitude is the best thing in the world but at times i think theres more to life than just yourself. But then who else is the other to help you. If you dont understand why i do certain things then i dont know how else to explain myself to you. Wish you would understand. Wish i would understand. Its been so long now. Time is flying and i put it all before me, yet i dont know why. Its something i just do. Im still running on reserve, i dont know how long i can. I may just burn out. I need a little more attention. Life as of now is not too good for me. Though im so happy i have my music and friends to help me run on reserve. Wish i could be tanked up sometime.

Don't lose my faith in you,
Feel, what you always shared,
The care is subtle but is needed,
Understand, reciprocate, freedom.

Try Singing

Singing is sooo much fun. I have been doing it for the past 3 years at a rather professional level and i have been enjoying it a lot. More than anything that i could ever enjoy. its the best stress buster. Though i guess not everyone understands that. Its good to know that i have something i can call my own.
Im thinking about using this blog spot as an AU blog... or should i just make a new AU blog....
I think i will make a new one for AU.

JUST the Three Monkeys, the fourth ape doesnt need to be here!

This sunday was the most fun i'v had in weeks. Its soo good to know people like my friends!!!

Filling forms can be an ordeal

Well i finally got down to filling out forms for the different colleges and its SOOOO confusing. There are sooo many things i have to take care of. I wish someone could help me with it. But i guess is should manage that on myown.

When there are THEM!

Them, is the word for the people who i don't get along with, and its for obvious reason. My feelings towards those people always shows even though i dont want to let them see that im annoyed with them. The best thing to do is to be nice to them if they are rude and to avoid them when u can! Them is the term i have conied because they dont deserve anyother term that can identify them. They should always be anonymous from your mind. You know that someone is there but then they should never have the comfort of being in your mind. Forget them, they are just there, you will meet more of them in the future. Just beware and dont get in them way.
"Avoid, watch, close your ears,
Leave no place for them in your mind,
save space for the happier things of life,
remember the people you love are the ones that bind."

If i stop writing its coz im thinking

I decided to type something random just now, hoping that i can write something true and nonstop. If the reading become abrupt or stops its coz i have been thinking about what i want to write and thats not what i want to do. I just want to write things that come to my mind when i'm idol, In fact im wondering if what i just typed made anysense to anyone because i am not deleting anything that im typing so i cant make out if my sentence construction is making anysense. But then i dont care. I remember i had done this once when i was in school and i came up with some rather weird things. Absolutely not connected or attached. Its randomness. I talk about the animals i see on the street, alive and dead, i get a tingling sensation down my back everytime i see an animal on the road that has been hit. Its the worst. I dont understand what the animal would have gone through. I think about what my friends are upto. I keep wondering whats happeing, i think a lot. I guess its something im born with. And i dont think i want to change it because i know this is what makes me emotional and attached to things i want to be attached to. I wonder how i got in this position just now. I have been wondering where im going after this job. I dont even know what i want to do. I wonder if theres anyone as confused. Oh the other day i sang some cool songs and im soo happy that i can sing. I keep trying new styles but i guess i like ballads, in any style either rock or jazz or pop. ANything. At times i kinda get embarassed about what i do ad how i behave. I have never dared learning to dance coz im afraid that i would make an ass of myself infront of the other brilliant singers. I even didnt try out for my college tennis team for the same reason, oh and swimming and lots of other things. Its like not joining a gym coz you think your too thin. well one of the reason why i havent . so i guess i am weird, but then i dont know why is it that i think this way. And the fact is that i know that im good at what i do, and i dont know why i cant get over the fact of what other people think. Its really funny coz i keep telling everyone else to not bother about what others have to say. But when it comes to me i just keep thinking that way. I dont know what im upto in life. Wonder if this is a healthy attitude to follow. I guess i do require a lot of assurances to push myself furthur, i dont think i can assure myself about things alone. I always need opinions from my friends and all. Ok im thinking so im stopping.
EnJOY!

About Me as About you!

"Others see you as sensible, cautious, careful and practical.
They see you as clever, gifted, or talented, but modest.
Not a person who makes friends too quickly or easily,
but someone who’s extremely loyal to friends
you do make and who expect the same loyalty in return.
Those who really get to know you realize
it takes a lot to shake your trust in your friends,
but equally it takes you a long time to
get over it if that trust is ever broken. "

SAVE me from EMBARRASSMENT

Yikes!!!!
I nearly, or i think i did manage to embarass myself infront of my boss. Or perhaps behind my boss. Well i was given some work on saturday and i decided to finish it today, so i had to tell tanya that she needs to design the layout etc etc. When i did show her that brief she was totally confused and then i started saying how ridiculous the boss was to give a project without any real solid information about the brochure. We are supposed to make a brochue on a group called ERA Group that has 4 daugher companys all involved with consruction, infrastructure, finance and metal. But the thing is we only have information on the contruction and metal company's. But anyway i was cribbing about how everything was sooo mismanaged and that i cant write if i dont have information. And the boss who gave me that brief was sitting right behind me.. YIKES!!!! i guess he did over hear me but then i guess he couldnt say much to me coz i was right. I cant work without information. Any ways after i realised that he was there i sheepishly kept avoiding him coz i had a big grin on my face. Finally i needed to finish my cribbing to tanya and so i continued doing that without realising that the guy was still there... YIKESS !!!! TO THE POWER OF INFINITY!!! i know he heard me coz i just know it.
ANyways im glad he heard me coz he finally understands that he hasnt done his homework. SO well now im waiting to get more info.
Such are the strange things i get myself into.

I take photographs too!!!!

Ok, nothing much to say here. Two more pictures i took. I kinda like em' a lot. They arent out door but yeah i like capturing things.

Sleep and the ART of Day Dreaming

A day that feels like it's dragging can only be confirmed when you realise that you actually sleep for that milli second everytime you blink. I have been getting that feeling ever since i had my lunch here at work. The oil of the 'baturas' is still floating in my stomach causing rather uncomfortable burpy feelings. I do try and catch that sleep but i know i can't because office is just too noisy and i'll get a head ache if i try to sleep now. But i can't help it. When you dont enjoy what you do, you do tend feel sleepy. Just like the zillion classes we all must have slept through when we were in school or college. I think sleep is one of the most important things in my life. I think when you sleep you get to do things that you could only 'imagine in your dreams'. And the best part is when you learn to manipulate your dreams you can truly enjoy them. Over the years i have learnt to do that. Everytime i sleep i hope that i dream because then i know i can do what i want. The best ones are the ones that i fly in. Though most of my dreams are quite scary. I kinda have very movie type dreams with low lighting and villains and scaryness. But then i do have some nice adventerous ones too. Like me singing and playing tennis and trekking. And the best is when you get to really do your own thing knowing its just a dream.
One of the best things i like to do is stare at a fixed object and day dream. But then when i realise that im dreaming with my eyes open i get all confused and then i cant day dream anymore because them i am constantly thinking about the fact that it shouldn't be possible to open your eyes and dream. But i can do it. And i hate it when i realise that i should be able to do it. People wonder why at times im in my own world but the fact is that i cant see or hear anyone when im in that mode. Its something thats quite nice, that gets irritating when you realise that your eyes are open.
Another thing that happens to me is that if i stare at something for a long time or if im tired, i start seeing things as if they are moving away from me, everything seems smaller. Its a weird feeling and i only know one other person who shares this weirdness like i do. Its really weird, its as if everything starts moving away. But thats when i realise i need to sleep.
I guess i need to now.

"Sleep, Sleep, Sleep,
Comes to you while your awake?
Close your eyes,
and lose control automatically.
Then Dream..."

The Hills are alive!

Photographs that i took with my lousy camera. But well they came out nicely so am happy. I will post most of my work ASAP. Though i dont have too many. I have to collect a lot of my photographs from my friends. I think i would really enjoy something like this. Hope you like this. I do.

The Wild part of Life and Cinematography

As an amature fickle minded boy, i have come onto yet another conclusin that i want to get into wildlife cinematography or basically travel and out door cinematography. Well i guess it should fascinate me because i love the outdoors. Its the only place on earth you can find yourself and not find anyone else. The peace of being with nature and the extacy of achievement seem like ambrosia for a simple man with simple cravings for life. I like the fact that there are still places on earth that can be captured on camera. And what better way to honour that than cinematography. Even though i hardly can say that i am a cinematographer yet. All i can say is that i have enjoyed everything about photography and capturing beauty on camera. The little work that i have done has been more than satisfying, the photographs that i have taken have always surprised me. I guess thats why Annette asked me to shoot the 'Fragile' video. She seemed to have noticed earlier than me that i had quite a good aptitude to capture all things nice.
The Confusion in my mind about living life for the next 60 years i guess is justified because i know i will have to manage most of my life on my own, just like i have always. Friends come and go and i get upset when they go. But then i guess i have to move on as well. But i could capture each precious friendship of mine on camera.

"Some day, some how.
I will make it, i know i can.
I'm not too late.
I have been assured.
The full stops are just there to be ignored".
Noel

Growing pains

As i wait for the images to upload i cant help to think about what i am uploading. I am uploading something that reminds me that i need to be hugged and i need to remain a kid all my life. i dont think i want to grow up . I sometimes wish i could do something my entire life where i could just link music, travel and ART together. I guess thats why i have called this blog of mine, levART-TRAvel, because i want to do something that compliment each other. It should reflect what i want to do. I dont want to do something that just gives me money, i want to do something so that im happy. Im tired of not being happy and being worried. BUT i am thinking right again. and i know i am gonna be if i truly follow my heart.

Life is A-Muse ing

I have always wondered why i have been so confused about what i want in life. I guess some people may even call me fickle minded, but then again after reassurances, i now know that its not a fickle mind that is the creator of this confusion. Its just my thirst and search for something that i truly want to do. I am impatient, I am on my own, I am someone who needs movement, i need to be in control of my self. I guess i didnt realise all this earlier which is why i have finally reached cinematography.
I remember i did shoot a so called Arty film, which was used for Artistes Unlimited (A.U.) musical En Route. I had to shoot a short 2 minute video for a song called 'Fragile'. I wish i had realised that that was the kind of work i would want to do in life. But i guess after again some more reassurance i realised thats its not too late. At least im getting closer to what i want to do. All my life i have been quite 'fickle minded' but i cant help it. I have always had to choose lines on my own and figure out if i wanted to do that for ever. I have changed from an engineer to an architect to a copywriter n now finally to a cinematographer. I love art and creativity and i love traveling and i love animals and i love music. Perhaps cinematography will give me an insight into what my heart has always been looking for. I truly hope i get to do something like this. I like feild work. I like being able to showthings that people would oterwise ignore.

I am writing this hoping that someday someone will read this and realise that i am true to what i do. I love things passionately. But its just that i am still looking and seeking out what i want.
Like i have always told myself,

" if your not looking for it, you wont SEE it"
by Noel